Danny Doritos

Starring

Danny DeVito

Idea

Danny DeVito embarks on a quest to establish precisely how many spicy crisps have been planted in Doritos's special edition Roulette packs.

As far as I’m concerned, the only way find out is to eat every packet in circulation and interview anyone who has made their way through a bag before him.

In an ideal world, he will remain in the character of much-loved, gun-toting Frank Reynolds throughout; in an ideal world, he will either shoot or sexually harass several people.

I expect this process to take DeVito the best part of five years to complete.

At the end of his journey, I will announce that I knew the answer all along.

Seven.

Problems

I could be considered an accomplice to DeVito's crimes.

Solutions

Change my name, go vegan and never look back.