Shaq Through the Herts

Starring

Shaquille O’Neal

Idea

Basketball legend-cum-part-time-rap-douche Shaquille O’Neal is parachuted into Harpenden with nothing save a Monzo card (which, by definition, can only have £48 on it), a Sony Walkman and a cassette copy of Bon Jovi’s Greatest Hits.

His challenge, should he chose to accept it, which he will, is to make it from one side of Hertfordshire to the other without smashing someone to pieces.

As a seven-foot black man in a post-Brexit world, the level of intolerance he is likely to face will make this harder to do than you might expect.

Problems

I can’t find my copy of the Bon Jovi album.

Solutions

Call my mum to ask if she knows where it is only to get embroiled in a three-hour conversation about nothing in particular.