Café Ole

Starring

Ole Gunnar Solskjær

Idea

In the wake of Manchester United’s persistent failure to achieve, spend their money wisely or satisfy a ridiculously diverse fan base, it’s time to take a new approach: give the supporters control.

Current United manager Solskjær will have a daily meeting with an ever-changing handful of the club’s fans to identify transfer targets.

For obvious reasons, this has to happen in a greasy spoon near the ground.

Since this approach is cheaper, and no riskier, than hiring a Director of Football, there is a chance we can pique United’s interest.

I also have the feeling that Ole can’t say no to anyone so there may be some eye-watering signings, and consequently outrageous drama, in the offing.

Problems

I don’t know any cafés near Old Trafford.

Solutions

Spend ages studying Google Maps and pretend that I don’t conform to every single stereotype about Manchester United supporters.